she's gone

October 23, 2013

Hi, I don´t really know how to start.. Well first, Nothing lasts forever right??? Wow that sounds so bad omg.. whatever. Yesterday I decided I had to leave tumblr, I wanted to give my blog away to one of my friends so I didn't have to say goodbye, but I felt like I owe you an explanation and don't gave it away.

Lately, I've been really feeling down, I wouldn't say depressed, but I have this mixed feelings that I can´t describe, I just don't felt comfortable being here. And the worst thing was nobody cared at all, nobody was here when i felt down, i felt like nobody cared about me and my so called "Tumblr Friends" were never there for me. What am i saying? I don't even had Friends here, i either lost them all or they got bored of me and never talked to me and this made me so sad. Tumblr used to be like my happy place where everything was possible, a place where I could forget about stress, school and just be myself, but it isn´t anymore cause now it's not fun.These Past Months here were Hell.

Tumblr didn't make me happy at all and I'm starting to think it never did. I forgot about the main reason why I made my blog. I became "thirsty" as many of you may say and I forgot about enjoying it. Coming here and post stuff began to feel like a responsibility, something I had to do to please my followers, to keep gaining or not to lose them, I used to constantly worry about changing my theme, blogging 'quality' stuff and it came to the point where i saw "Tumblr" like my job and i sat here for 7 hours everyday blogging and i'm only 15. My goal was to hit 10k on my Blog and i did.

I've feeling this way for weeks now, I just never had the courage to actually leave, I still don't know if I want to do this but I feel that if I don't I´ll probably lose myself. I'm finally on this point where i want to stop being sad and want to enjoy my life more.. I want my life back. I don't remember what I used to do before Tumblr, and that's sad, I don't feel productive to society and right now I just want to live life to the fullest, I don't want to regret wasting most of my teenage years in front of a screen, contemplating other people live their lifes while I'm just sitting there blogging about them, don´t get me wrong I'm not saying it's bad, but it's just not who I want to be.

this was an extremely hard decision and i'm honest I've met some nice people through this "journey" (not everyone was mean to me here haha) some of you were here from the start others joined along the way, but it doesn't matter and I want to thank each of them, who made my days here special and I want you to know that I love each of you, you all have taught me things, made me smile and cheered me up at some point..

I don´t know if I will ever come back, chances are I won´t, but I certainly will miss all of this.

Sorry if it was too long.
I love you all so much my perfect little angels, lots of love, Bengi

If you still want to contact me: